sumfin new.

my return to shanghai was heralded by a spectacular series of mishaps, diana-style. and by diana-style i mean shit that could seriously only happen to me.

case #1:

cat masuda generously opens her apartment to me for my first night back. her pretty little apartment is nestled in a neat little street in jing an district, surrounded by little stores and restaurants. i arrive after sitting through an hour traffic.

7:30 pm - me, cat and her five cats watch a good two hrs of america's got talent. my throat begins to itch. i know i am allergic to cats, but i figure after living with mesh for a summer, i'd outgrown it.

9:00 pm - we go out for a massage and watch good luck chuck. i forget about my itchy throat.

11:00 pm - we return to cat's place. i shower and get ready to sleep. it's been a long day and i didnt get much sleep the night before. the itch in my throat returns.

12:00 am - while talking to tim on the phone, my throat begins to swell alarmingly. i begin to cough.

12:30 am - am having trouble breathing. stick my head out window for fresh air, but the five cats continue following me around the house, rubbing against my legs and watching me from various roosts.

1:00 am - am coughing so bad i think i might throw up or go into anaphylactic shock. death by the collective pollen of five cats crosses my mind. i give up on sleeping in bed and chase the cats out of the computer room, open both windows (the wind is freezing) and aim a fan out the window to suck out the dust and cat pollen. my throat is hurting so badly i boil water to inhale the steam.

1:30 am - curled up on tiny leather couch trying to sleep, but must continually go to kitchen to get more hot water. coughing subsides somewhat. the cats stare at me accusingly each time i leave the computer room.

5:00 am - in a state of sleepless misery.


case #2:

the next morning i attempt to go to church. i get there eventually after getting lost for 20 minutes on the way to the metro.

in the afternoon i get back to the dorm, and upon walking in, see some mysterious puddles of black surrouding my minifridge. it looks like tar and does not smell. i am confused. i open said minifridge. the smell of one thousand landfills attacks me. i shut the door immediately. i tell my friends of the ecosystem that has sprung up in my minifridge and they become very excited. a date is made for the cleaning of the fridge.

the next day is when the cleaning commences. friends gather in my room which i put on rubber gloves and a carbon-filter surgical mask. i open the fridge door to the screams of my friends. apparently the ecosystem is complete with winged creatures (small flies) and biomorphic organisms (fly larva). cleaning commences for about two hrs. the two most disgusting hours that have ever transcended my existence.

what of the minifridge now? it is sitting on my balcony in the cold, airing out its stinking insides.

welcome back.