possibly one of the greatest sites EVAR? I THINK SO!

to increase my productivity at work, i do crack. and by crack i mean GOOGLE READER, which, i believe is the equivalent of shooting yourself up with newsmedia. if newsmedia ever became a solid-powder form, and you could chop it up on a mirror and snort it, that would be google reader. if newsmedia ever became a liquid you could put into a burning lightbulb to be inhaled as a vapor that would be google reader. if newsmedia ever became a crystallized form you could cook in a metal spoon over a bunsen burner to be slammed intravenously, that would be google reader. in other words, IT'S FUCKKKKIN AWESOOOMMMMMME.

by now i've accumulated a worthy roster of publications to peruse while tallying an itemized account of how many categories the ROC has opened up for PRC investment. there are some great blogs out there like poplicks, racialicious, metrodad and of course angry asian man, as well as some dope ass art rags like juxtapose and wooster. for news, nyt is reliable, though not that exciting, and the stimulist is a up and coming young news site i enjoy. i dont subscribe to the economist or new yorker since i'd rather go on the sites or buy em in the flesh. there are a few feeds i follow (alliteration whuttt), although i dont necessarily like. they include disgrasian (aam but with two annoying azn girls instead, one of those things diane and diana can do and do much better [AND WILL!!]), salon (purveyor of pretentious white american liberalism), and finally, (major ew) huffpo (a snotrag that apparently doesn't believe you need writing skills or critical thinking to constitute a newsite. bitch please).

but huffington post has also given me one of the greatest gifts i have ever received from an online site. and that is...

DICKIPEDIA.

dickipedia. so. amay-sing. oh mai gah. it's like if the superficial and wikipedia had a baby on crack (dangling modifier intended - crack conditional for both baby AND consummated relations between super-pedia).

no it's not a wiki about dick size, types, or circumcision. it's a site...well...just read it.

how can i hate the huffpo for giving me such a great gift???

some amazing quotes from this amazing site:

lance amstrong

"lance armstrong is best known for winning the tour de france a record seven consecutive times, leading many to consider him the world’s greatest cyclist. this is a dubious distinction, considering that cycling is arguably the world’s gayest sport, evinced by the vast quantity of spandex and the fact that so many french people love it."

"to some, armstrong’s performance in the alps stages of the race is an incredible physical feat, on par with indian guru sri chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis. to detractors, it is little more than the product of continuous training, also on par with indian guru sri chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis."

"lance armstrong officially retired from racing on july 24, 2005, at the end of the tour de france, coincidentally just minutes before the nurse showed up to test his blood."

kobe bryan

"kobe bean bryant (born august 23, 1978) is a shooting guard for the los angeles lakers of the national basketball association, a 'rapper,' a 'raper,' a husband, a father, and a dick."

"yes, his middle name is bean. also, if you were thinking that bryant's unique first name was a result of his parents' diverse, multicultural interests, you would be incorrect. he is named after meat.

some have pointed out that there are worse names that he could have received such as hanger steak bryant or boneless beef chuck shoulder pot roast bryant."

"in 2003, bryant was accused of rape by a female employee of a hotel where bryant was staying while rehabilitating his knee post-surgery. this particular form of rehabilitation has yet to be endorsed by the american physical therapy association."

"as part of his defense, bryant claimed that he hadn’t 'even finished' during his interaction with the accuser and had instead masturbated afterwards, giving new significance to the term TMI."


rahmn emmanuel

"after financing clinton’s ride into the white house, emanuel became his senior advisor where his aforementioned 'take-no-prisoners attitude,' and 'combative style' earned him the nickname 'rahm-bo,' a reference to the famous sylvester stallone film character, judge dredd."


tom cruise

"although cruise is 100% certifiably batshit crazy, craziness alone does not make one a dick (see: 'björk')."

"tom cruise is a thetan who became trapped in his current earthly body on july 3, 1962 in syracuse, new york. he was first brought to earth 75 million years ago by xenu, dictator of the galactic confederacy, and he shares a birthday with dave barry and montel williams."

"after graduating in 1980, he briefly attended a seminary to become a catholic priest, but moved to la instead to pursue acting. despite the conspicuous details of a) wrestling team, b) knee injury, c) guys and dolls and d) catholic seminary, cruise is definitely not gay. no sir, not one bit."

"he continued his rise to fame in the fighter pilot film, top gun, which became the highest grossing film of 1986 and included a sweaty, shirtless, slow-motion volleyball scene that was not at all gay, nor were the countless half-dressed locker room scenes."

"after starring as a non-gay racecar driver named 'cole trickle' in days of thunder, cruise fell in deep heterosexual love with co-star nicole kidman, becoming so attracted to her in that way that straight guys are totally into straight girls."

"like a true dick, tom cruise shaved off his nicole kidman beard on august 8, 2001, just before their tenth wedding anniversary. and like most real marriages, the couple had two children via adoption instead of ones produced through heterosexual intercourse."


r. kelly

"robert sylvester kelly (born january 5, 1967 in chicago, illinois) also known by the stage name r. kelly, is a pedophiliac, urophiliac, child pornographer, and a dick. Every once in a while, he also sings R&B."

"there exists a real possibility that r. kelly cannot achieve an erection without first relieving himself on a junior high-schooler, and cannot seem to sustain said chubby without recording the event on digital video."

"shortly after the album’s release, kelly began 'producing' young female singers such as aaliyah, whom he 'married' when she was only fifteen. the marriage was reportedly 'annulled.' he also took as his 'protégé' a middling female vocalist named sparkle, mostly just so he could 'freak' her 14-year-old 'niece.'"

"r. kelly also once suggested in an interview that 'the only one' who knew exactly what he was 'going through' was osama bin laden. This comparison is not entirely off-base, considering that bin laden is another inflammatory amateur filmmaker currently facing multiple criminal charges, who also has a fondness for virgins."

oj simpson

"he was the first NFL player to rush for 2000 yards in a season, as well as the first NFL player to rush for 2000 yards in a season and then later stand trial for the murder of his ex-wife and ron goldman."

"at USC simpson became a star running back and won the heisman trophy in 1968. no heisman winner has won by a larger margin of victory, nor has one ever gone on to be accused of murdering his ex-wife and ron goldman."

"that same year, simpson and marguerite divorced. he did not later murder marguerite."

"in 1985, simpson married nicole brown. their relationship went well. until it didn’t.

simpson and nicole had two children, sydney brooke simpson (born october 17, 1985) and justin ryan simpson (born august 6, 1988). simpson is currently raising the children by himself, largely because someone murdered their mother."

"after being acquitted in the murder trial, simpson vowed that he would not rest until he found 'the real killer.' his leads so far have made clear that simpson is operating under the theory that the killer is likely to be an avid golfer."

"in 2006 simpson wrote a book explaining how he would have performed the murder if, hypothetically, or in some alternate universe, he had the motive, opportunity, and means to kill his ex-wife. he titled the book if i did it.

historians continue debate whether it is, in fact, the first english language book to contain an expansive and complete murder confession masked only the liberal usage of the conditional mood."

so some parts are a little politically incorrect. BUT. SO. FUNNY. HOMG.