possibly one of the greatest sites EVAR? I THINK SO!

to increase my productivity at work, i do crack. and by crack i mean GOOGLE READER, which, i believe is the equivalent of shooting yourself up with newsmedia. if newsmedia ever became a solid-powder form, and you could chop it up on a mirror and snort it, that would be google reader. if newsmedia ever became a liquid you could put into a burning lightbulb to be inhaled as a vapor that would be google reader. if newsmedia ever became a crystallized form you could cook in a metal spoon over a bunsen burner to be slammed intravenously, that would be google reader. in other words, IT'S FUCKKKKIN AWESOOOMMMMMME.

by now i've accumulated a worthy roster of publications to peruse while tallying an itemized account of how many categories the ROC has opened up for PRC investment. there are some great blogs out there like poplicks, racialicious, metrodad and of course angry asian man, as well as some dope ass art rags like juxtapose and wooster. for news, nyt is reliable, though not that exciting, and the stimulist is a up and coming young news site i enjoy. i dont subscribe to the economist or new yorker since i'd rather go on the sites or buy em in the flesh. there are a few feeds i follow (alliteration whuttt), although i dont necessarily like. they include disgrasian (aam but with two annoying azn girls instead, one of those things diane and diana can do and do much better [AND WILL!!]), salon (purveyor of pretentious white american liberalism), and finally, (major ew) huffpo (a snotrag that apparently doesn't believe you need writing skills or critical thinking to constitute a newsite. bitch please).

but huffington post has also given me one of the greatest gifts i have ever received from an online site. and that is...

DICKIPEDIA.

dickipedia. so. amay-sing. oh mai gah. it's like if the superficial and wikipedia had a baby on crack (dangling modifier intended - crack conditional for both baby AND consummated relations between super-pedia).

no it's not a wiki about dick size, types, or circumcision. it's a site...well...just read it.

how can i hate the huffpo for giving me such a great gift???

some amazing quotes from this amazing site:

lance amstrong

"lance armstrong is best known for winning the tour de france a record seven consecutive times, leading many to consider him the world’s greatest cyclist. this is a dubious distinction, considering that cycling is arguably the world’s gayest sport, evinced by the vast quantity of spandex and the fact that so many french people love it."

"to some, armstrong’s performance in the alps stages of the race is an incredible physical feat, on par with indian guru sri chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis. to detractors, it is little more than the product of continuous training, also on par with indian guru sri chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis."

"lance armstrong officially retired from racing on july 24, 2005, at the end of the tour de france, coincidentally just minutes before the nurse showed up to test his blood."

kobe bryan

"kobe bean bryant (born august 23, 1978) is a shooting guard for the los angeles lakers of the national basketball association, a 'rapper,' a 'raper,' a husband, a father, and a dick."

"yes, his middle name is bean. also, if you were thinking that bryant's unique first name was a result of his parents' diverse, multicultural interests, you would be incorrect. he is named after meat.

some have pointed out that there are worse names that he could have received such as hanger steak bryant or boneless beef chuck shoulder pot roast bryant."

"in 2003, bryant was accused of rape by a female employee of a hotel where bryant was staying while rehabilitating his knee post-surgery. this particular form of rehabilitation has yet to be endorsed by the american physical therapy association."

"as part of his defense, bryant claimed that he hadn’t 'even finished' during his interaction with the accuser and had instead masturbated afterwards, giving new significance to the term TMI."


rahmn emmanuel

"after financing clinton’s ride into the white house, emanuel became his senior advisor where his aforementioned 'take-no-prisoners attitude,' and 'combative style' earned him the nickname 'rahm-bo,' a reference to the famous sylvester stallone film character, judge dredd."


tom cruise

"although cruise is 100% certifiably batshit crazy, craziness alone does not make one a dick (see: 'björk')."

"tom cruise is a thetan who became trapped in his current earthly body on july 3, 1962 in syracuse, new york. he was first brought to earth 75 million years ago by xenu, dictator of the galactic confederacy, and he shares a birthday with dave barry and montel williams."

"after graduating in 1980, he briefly attended a seminary to become a catholic priest, but moved to la instead to pursue acting. despite the conspicuous details of a) wrestling team, b) knee injury, c) guys and dolls and d) catholic seminary, cruise is definitely not gay. no sir, not one bit."

"he continued his rise to fame in the fighter pilot film, top gun, which became the highest grossing film of 1986 and included a sweaty, shirtless, slow-motion volleyball scene that was not at all gay, nor were the countless half-dressed locker room scenes."

"after starring as a non-gay racecar driver named 'cole trickle' in days of thunder, cruise fell in deep heterosexual love with co-star nicole kidman, becoming so attracted to her in that way that straight guys are totally into straight girls."

"like a true dick, tom cruise shaved off his nicole kidman beard on august 8, 2001, just before their tenth wedding anniversary. and like most real marriages, the couple had two children via adoption instead of ones produced through heterosexual intercourse."


r. kelly

"robert sylvester kelly (born january 5, 1967 in chicago, illinois) also known by the stage name r. kelly, is a pedophiliac, urophiliac, child pornographer, and a dick. Every once in a while, he also sings R&B."

"there exists a real possibility that r. kelly cannot achieve an erection without first relieving himself on a junior high-schooler, and cannot seem to sustain said chubby without recording the event on digital video."

"shortly after the album’s release, kelly began 'producing' young female singers such as aaliyah, whom he 'married' when she was only fifteen. the marriage was reportedly 'annulled.' he also took as his 'protégé' a middling female vocalist named sparkle, mostly just so he could 'freak' her 14-year-old 'niece.'"

"r. kelly also once suggested in an interview that 'the only one' who knew exactly what he was 'going through' was osama bin laden. This comparison is not entirely off-base, considering that bin laden is another inflammatory amateur filmmaker currently facing multiple criminal charges, who also has a fondness for virgins."

oj simpson

"he was the first NFL player to rush for 2000 yards in a season, as well as the first NFL player to rush for 2000 yards in a season and then later stand trial for the murder of his ex-wife and ron goldman."

"at USC simpson became a star running back and won the heisman trophy in 1968. no heisman winner has won by a larger margin of victory, nor has one ever gone on to be accused of murdering his ex-wife and ron goldman."

"that same year, simpson and marguerite divorced. he did not later murder marguerite."

"in 1985, simpson married nicole brown. their relationship went well. until it didn’t.

simpson and nicole had two children, sydney brooke simpson (born october 17, 1985) and justin ryan simpson (born august 6, 1988). simpson is currently raising the children by himself, largely because someone murdered their mother."

"after being acquitted in the murder trial, simpson vowed that he would not rest until he found 'the real killer.' his leads so far have made clear that simpson is operating under the theory that the killer is likely to be an avid golfer."

"in 2006 simpson wrote a book explaining how he would have performed the murder if, hypothetically, or in some alternate universe, he had the motive, opportunity, and means to kill his ex-wife. he titled the book if i did it.

historians continue debate whether it is, in fact, the first english language book to contain an expansive and complete murder confession masked only the liberal usage of the conditional mood."

so some parts are a little politically incorrect. BUT. SO. FUNNY. HOMG.

reprise

China Locks Down Restive Region After Deadly Clashes

i saw the headline and thought, "china's fucked." china is soooooooo fucked. i dont mean china is messed up; that goes without saying. i mean that in a decade or so, when china takes over as the world's superpower, it's gonna have a couple good years ballin out and then

1. civil war
2. islamic extremism

you can only fuck a minority in the ass so many times before they start doing some major damage. last year, navigating the great firewall for coverage of the tibet uprising, blanking out the 'i' in t-bet so our email accounts wouldnt be shut down, i had the thought that the tibet riots were eerily similar both in cause and effect to the watts riots of the 60s, and the rodney king riots in the 90s. a politically oppressed group lashes back, causing massive collateral damage, not only to the local community, but other disadvantaged groups in the proximity. for the rodney king riots, korean small-business owners were caught in the crossfire, somehow both the intended and unintended vicitims of violence stemming from race-based frustration. in tibet, migrant han workers from sichuan and other poorer provinces watched their small enterprises go up in flames as ethnic tibetans took to the streets, first in tibet, then throughout western china.

xinjiang appears no different. uighurs are marginalized culturally and economically, face the same sort of social problems that low-income minority groups face in the united states. but limit someone's ability to worship and then there's a huge problem. you can say that said damage has already commenced, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. once china dominates the global economy, islamic extremism is going switch focus from the us to the prc, funding is going to be funneled into islamic pockets in china to feed an expanding fundamentalist base. the actions of the central government are simply fueling the beginnings of massive civil unrest.

i'm not saying china should democratize. in fact, i dont think it should. but it can be smarter about what rights to give (anti-discrimination laws, right to worship), and how aid should be allocated (propaganda free schooling, hiv/aids prevention). if it doesn't, the system will conceivably turn around and bite it in the ass sometimes in the near future.

dum-dum-dum....

it's strange to think that in the us, i'm part of a pan-asian minority, and working within that framework, esp in nonprofit, endows you with a sense of subversion, that you're fighting against the dominant mentality, the colossal mainframe. but in china, i'm han chinese. i'm the man, an exponent of the ruling hegemony. suppose i head off to xinjiang to teach some poor kiddies engrish. where does that put me on the sliding scale of majority-led neo-colonization?

in conclusion, simplified chinese sucks.

note to self:

白俄羅斯 is not white russia, but belarus!

detox

have been alcohol/cigarettes/coffee/makeup free for almost 24 hours. i say that is well on the route to recovery!

some key moments from the past few months...


a little shanghai reunion with the girls


a little bit of norway and vancouver in ny


random fucking night where the guys couldnt get into park so we ended up at las cabanas with these styrofoam animal masks. dont ask.


wedding madness ensued the first week of june, where a number of mildly insane tasers descended upon new york.


said insane tasers came to celebrate the union of one carol chuang and one bryan chuah. and inadvertently supported the sanctity of marriage act.


tamales once and for all!


these devious bitches refused to let THE MAN (j.crew) take them down.


these debauched bitches will lay your bridal suite to waste.

and in a recent visit to la....

sometimes i need to be reminded that i'm not the only one in the family with crazy genes.


these girls never fail to do that.


they recently got a maltese, but nemo the turtle will crush a bitch.

and lastly, home:

found this AMASIAN contraption in the drawer at home...






trips home also allow for ample opportunities to ransack gramma's house for bling. check out this FIVE CARAT RING imma be flossin HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

excuse me while i masturbate furiously for SEVEN CONTINUOUS MINUTES

today i had a serious conversation with a couple friends regarding s&m and in conclusion, i have to say, human sexuality is a beautiful and fascinating thing. alas, most of the world doesn't share the same view as me. case in point, loobie, who hails from that hotbed (DEFINITELY no pun intended) of mormon activity called yoo-tah, sent me this link so horrifying and hilarious that my balls immediately shriveled. hark, ye sinners of the flesh! behold! judgment lyeth before thee!!!

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act."

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan Never Gives Up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

-

moral of the story: oh ye maturbator! beware the wrath of an angry god before ye touchest thou genitalia!!!

new bedfellows

nuts!!!

Koreans and Bangladeshis Vie in Los Angeles District

By MIRA JANG

Published: April 7, 2009

LOS ANGELES — In the last 30 years or so, a six-square-mile area west of downtown Los Angeles has become an enclave of some 50,000 Korean-Americans, the largest concentration of Koreans in the country. The district is now commonly known as Koreatown.

Monica Almeida/The New York Times

The Los Angeles neighborhood known as Koreatown has the largest concentration of Koreans in the country.

But on the city’s official maps, Koreatown is nowhere to be found, because until 2006 Los Angeles had no formal process for designating neighborhoods, whether well recognized or little known. Korean civic groups say they always simply assumed that the area was officially Koreatown.

They were surprised, then, when an application was filed with the city clerk’s office in October to name dozens of square blocks in what they consider the heart of the neighborhood. The name sought was Little Bangladesh.

The application, submitted by a committee of the growing number of Bangladeshis in Los Angeles, has brought a struggle between two mainly immigrant groups that reflects the complexities of negotiating space and official recognition in an increasingly crowded urban center.

The last official count of the Bangladeshi population, in the 2000 census, showed only 1,700 in all of Los Angeles County. But the Bangladeshi consul general here, Abu Zafar, estimates that there are now 10,000 to 15,000 in Los Angeles and some 25,000 in Southern California, making the region the nation’s second-largest home to Bangladeshis, after New York City.

In what the Koreans thought was Koreatown, a handful of Bangladeshi stores have cropped up, Mr. Zafar said, and the community is growing as a result of migration from out of state.

Moshurul Huda, a member of the Little Bangladesh Project, the committee that filed for official designation, said of the effort, “We just want to show our pride for future generations.”

But that goal is shared by the other side.

“We don’t want to seem like bullies, but this is Koreatown,” said Chang Lee, chairman of the Korean American Federation of Los Angeles. “We will fight for it.”

So the federation, along with several other community groups, filed its own application last month, asking that six square miles between downtown and Hancock Park, an area including the proposed Little Bangladesh, be officially Koreatown.

“This cross-ethnic tension is somewhat new,” said Jan Lin, a sociology professor at Occidental College here whose specialty is ethnic enclaves. “Historically, it’s been whites against nonwhites as new immigrants move into established white neighborhoods.”

But the tension is not surprising, Mr. Lin said, given the tendency of immigrant groups to live in close proximity to one another. In Hollywood, Thai Town is inside Little Armenia. Little Tokyo and Chinatown occupy distinct but neighboring spaces downtown. And a Salvadoran business corridor lies adjacent to Koreatown.

Korean immigrants, who withstood the 1992 riots here, began transforming the city’s core in the 1970s from a depressed neighborhood into what is today a business and social hub so large and dotted with so many Korean-language signs that it has been compared to Seoul. Formal recognition would bolster tourism there and help preserve ethnic heritage, Mr. Lin said.

Bangladeshi leaders acknowledge the de facto existence of Koreatown; many of them live or work in Korean-owned buildings.

“But we have the same aspirations as the Koreans,” said Shamim Ahmed, a Bangladeshi vice consul. “Having a sign doesn’t mean we own it. It’s just symbolic.”

Symbolism also resonates strongly with many Koreans, but their objections to the Little Bangladesh designation, they say, go further. The Wilshire Center-Koreatown Neighborhood Council wrote a letter to the city opposing it on the ground that it would cause “irreparable harm” to Koreatown’s commercial ambitions and cultural influence.

Either designation requires a majority vote of the City Council, and prospects for an official Koreatown appear brighter than those for Little Bangladesh, which is opposed by Councilman Tom LaBonge, who represents much of the area.

“Koreatown has been around for so long that it predates any regulation,” Mr. LaBonge said in an interview. “It’s just as formal, and justified. It is Koreatown.”

Mr. LaBonge has recommended that the Little Bangladesh Project instead erect a monument at a local park as a starting point for a possible future name designation, perhaps of a nearby area.

“I want to see that they are invested in the area,” he said, “and that they’re here to stay.”

Korean leaders say that there is room for a Little Bangladesh, but that there are boundaries.

“It’s nice to embrace other communities,” said Brad Lee, a member of the Koreatown neighborhood council’s board, “as long as it’s not in our backyard. Or in our front yard.”

-

wow this article is hilarious in so many ways. the bangledeshis are obviously the underdogs here, but seriously, you cannot fight the urban sprawl that is koreatown. nor can you fight the koreans. those motherfuckers will cut a bitch up. why would you mess with someone who does not have blood, but rather, soju flowing in their veins?

also, aren't there already signs designating ktown?

i have to say though, the last line is the clincher. makes your friendly neighborhood council sound like a real congregation of assholes.